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Hurtful Words
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Helpful Words
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Name Calling:
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"Dummy."
"You're a real slob." "You're a klutz."
If you label a child as
a "baby,"
"dummy," or
"bad boy," he
is likely to believe
you.
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What to say instead:
"If you work a
little longer on that
problem, I think you'll
get the answer."
"You need to pick
up your crayons before
someone steps on
them."
Direct the child's
attention to a
particular behavior that
needs changing.
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Rejection:
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"I wish you
were never born." "Nobody could love someone who acts
like you do."
Children who are
rejected by their parent
or parents will come to
believe that they are
truly unlovable.
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What to say instead:
"I love
you." "Seeing
you each day makes me
feel good."
Communicate your love
for your children
verbally and physically
(hugs, pats on the
shoulder) every day.
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Negative Predictions
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"You'll never
be able to do that." "You're never going to amount to
anything."
Children tend to live
up--or down--to what we
believe about them.
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What to say instead:
"I know you're
having a hard time right
now, but I want you to
know that I'll never
give up on you."
Let your children know
that your love for them
is unconditional.
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Scapegoating
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"You made me
lose my temper."
"You're the one who
causes all the trouble
in the family."
If children are to learn
to take responsibility
for their actions, we
must set an example of
being personally
accountable for our
mistakes and weaknesses.
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What to say instead:
"I'm sorry I
yelled at you. I'm
feeling very tired today
and I need to work
harder on controlling my
temper."
If you lose your temper,
apologize to your child
as soon as you cool
down.
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Perfectionism
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"How come you
came in second?"
"You only got a 97
on this exam. What
happened to the other 3
points?"
The message behind this
type of demand is,
"You're not good
enough the way you
are."
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What to say instead:
"You ran a good
race. You had a really
strong start."
"Nice work on
getting all those A's on
your report card."
Try to accentuate the
positive when talking to
children.
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