Unwind Before You're Tied in Knots

Practical ways for single parents to cope with stress....

You're on you way home from work, stuck in traffic.

You're late to pick up your children from the day care center for the third time this week even though you left work early just so this wouldn't happen.  After dealing with the annoyed day care provider, you and the children will go to the grocery store to buy something for dinner, and probably wait in a long line at the checkout counter.  Then you'll prepare dinner and feed the children, who will be tired, hungry and out of sorts.  After dinner it's baths, story time and finally bed.  And you're already exhausted.

This is the story of many single parents.  There's too much to do, too little time, and not enough money.  No wonder single parents are stressed!  And if you've just become a single parent, divorced or widowed, the events that brought you to your single state certainly were stressful.  Your children were affected by these events, too.  They need your assurance that everything will be fine and that you will take care of them.  Of course, this adds to your stress, since you're not even sure you can take care of yourself right now.

Stress strikes everyone.

But single parents are especially susceptible.  Single parents fill many roles, working hard at each, yet seeming to satisfy no one.  Employers think they're lazy if they leave work early.  Day care providers think they're irresponsible when they arrive late to pick up their children.

Reducing stress is very important for your sake as well as for your children.  Children thrive when a parent can relax and take time and interest in them.  Reducing stress gives you the time and energy to be a better parent.  In fact, you can be better at everything you do if less of your energy is wasted by stress.  Thank may sound easy, but how can you reduce stress?

Gain some control of your life.

Think about when you're most stressed.  It's probably when you are in situations beyond your control, a bus that arrives late, a long line in the grocery store.  Make a list of tasks that must be completed and check them off as you go.  When your working on one task, don't worry about others.   You'll do a better job in less time by concentrating

Establish a routine.

Your home life will be much more comfortable if you and your children know what to expect.  Have regular mealtimes, bedtimes, time for chores and time for homework.

Make those decisions that have been hanging over your head.

Uncertainty is more stressful than making difficult decisions and setting a plan of action.  If you need to move, find a new job, or return to school to complete your education, you probably are worrying, consciously or unconsciously.  Once you start making necessary decisions about your future, you'll feel better.  Don't be hard on yourself.  After you've made a decision, follow through with confidence.  Don't think about alternatives.

If you need to move, look for other single parents in your new neighborhood.  They will be likely to have the same needs and responsibilities.  You make be able to se up an informal support network.

Changing jobs is always stressful, but sometimes necessary.  You may need to find a job that permits flexible hours for times when you must be with your children.  As a single parent you may be called on to take care of a sick child or to meet with a teacher during working hours.  Knowing that your employer understands this, will make your life much easier.

Although continuing your education may not seem urgent compared with other obligations, you may find better and more rewarding employment as a result of improving your skills.  You and your children can study together and you will be an educational role model for them.

Don't become isolated.

Single parents can be very lonely.  You're so busy that taking time for friends may seem a luxury you can't afford.  After all, you don't even have enough time to spend with your children.  Remember, being with other people can be supportive and nurturing.  Time away from everyday pressures helps put your life into perspective and gets rid of tension.

Have responsible relationships.  You are your children's protector.  Be sure the people you bring into your home are a good influence on your children and that their presence does not put your children into dangerous or abusive situations.

Take good care of yourself.

You can reduce stress by taking good care of yourself.  Your health is important.  Get proper rest and eat healthy foods.  When you're feeling especially stressed, take some deep breaths and close your eyes for a few minutes.  It can be helpful to join a support group for single parents.  It's a good idea to ask a relative, friend, or neighbor to care for your children occasionally so you can take some time for yourself.

You will notice that your children's behavior improves as stress in your life is reduced.

A happy parent , a stable life, and a good parent/child relationship are very comforting to children.  Make sure you discipline your children in a consistent and confident manner.  Be careful not to overact because you're tired.  Establish clear rules so your children know how you expect them to behave.  Avoid physical punishment and don't respond emotionally.  Gain control of yourself before attempting to gain control of the situation.

You can cope with single parenthood.

Your children can thrive.  Let them know they are special and give them your love and attention.  Some of our most successful leaders grew up in single parent homes.  Millions of other single parents have raised happy, healthy, responsible children and are enjoying fulfilled lives themselves.

Source:  Prevent Child Abuse America