|
Ways you can teach discipline that kids
want...
and need...
Being
a parent is anything but easy. It takes patience, creativity and
endless amounts of love. Some parenting skills come naturally, many
are learned.
The
same can be said of children. Their curiosity is natural. But discipline
must be learned. As parents, we are responsible for teaching
discipline to our children. It takes time and practice... but it does
get easier... as children learn to control their own behavior. And, it
doesn't have to hurt you or your child.
PARENTS
ASK:
What
is discipline?
Discipline
is helping children develop self control. Discipline is setting
limits and correcting misbehavior. Discipline is also encouraging
children, guiding them, helping them feel good about themselves, and
teaching them how to think for themselves.
Is
spanking a good form of discipline?
No.
Discipline should help children learn how to control their own
behavior. Spanking is used to directly control children's
behavior. Spanking does not teach children how to change what they do,
as good discipline should.
Isn't
it easier to just spank?
It
may seem easy at the time. But children who are hit often cry
louder. Older children who are hit often are learning to solve
problems by hitting others. Many parents notice that after a spanking
children may settle down for awhile, but pretty soon they start misbehaving
again.
Won't
spanking teach children who's boss?
Kids
do need to know that the adult is in charge. Spanking can teach
children to be afraid of the adult in charge. Good discipline
teaches children to respect the adult in charge. Respect goes both
ways -- treat children with respect and let them have some control -- and
they will respect you and listen to you.
Won't
spanking make my children afraid to misbehave?
It
can. Spanking can make children afraid to misbehave, but probably
only when you are watching. Children need to learn to control their
own behavior even when you are not around to watch them.
Don't
children need a good spanking sometimes?
No
child needs a spanking. Spanking can be dangerous. You can never
tell when children will be hurt badly by a spanking if you lose
control. Children do not need to be hit in order to learn how to
behave.
If
I do not spank, then what can I do?
You
can do lots of things that will help your children learn self-control.
You can help them feel good about themselves. You can show them how a
person with self-control acts. You can guide them. You can set
limits. You can correct misbehavior by talking to them. You can
teach them how to think for themselves.
What
can I do to help my children feel good about themselves?
Let
them know what they are doing right as well as about the mistakes they
make. Hearing good things makes us feel good and makes us want to do
more good things. Say tow nice but true things every time you correct
your children. When they are changing their behavior, tell them how
well they are doing even if they improve just a little. "Great,
you played in the playground all morning without fighting." You
are like a mirror for your children. If you believe in your children's
goodness and let them know it, they will look at you and feel good about
themselves.
What
can I do to show my children how a person with self-control acts?
Children
do as you do, not as you say. If you want your children to obey rules,
to solve their own problems, to control their anger, and to live in peace
with others, then you must live that way, too.
What
do I need to do to guide them?
Set
routines for bedtime, meals, and chores,. Routines help children to
feel safe, because they know what parents expect. Young children have
hard time going from one activity to another. Warning them a few
minutes ahead helps them get ready. You can say "You have five
more minutes before bedtime." Be clear about their choices.
"You can have milk or juice but you can't have soda." Remind them
of your rules. Saying "NO" is not enough. Children
need reminders.
How
can I set limits?
Here
are some tips for setting limits:
-
Start
with only a few rules. The more rules you have, the harder it
will be for your children to remember them.
-
Be
sure you know why are saying "NO". As a parent, you
must keep your children healthy and safe. You must help your
children learn to get along with other people. And you must stick
to what you believe in. Explain your reasons for saying
"NO". Be sure your child understands your reasons.
"You cannot play ball in the hours, You might break
something.
-
Give
kids a voice. Kids need a voice in setting limits. They
need a chance to tell you what they think and feel. Even a child
of five or six can talk with you and help you set fair limits.
When kids help you make rules, they are more likely to obey them.
It's important to understand their point of view, but just because you
listen to them does not mean that you have to agree with them and change
your rules. You can set many limits together, though some may have
to be set by you alone.
-
Say
what you mean. Be very clear about your limits. For example,
state clearly the hour you want your child to be home. Say
"12 o'clock," instead of "Not too late".
Will
my children still like me when I set limits? Will they think I'm a
"meanie?"
Setting
limits does not make you a "meanie" forever - not if you are
fair. When you stick to your limits, your children may not like what
you are doing. They may be unhappy. Try not to get upset.
It only makes things worse. Accept their feelings, but stick to your
limits. For example, say, "It's hard to leave whey your are
having so much fun, but it is time to go". Fair limits show that
you care. If your set limits by yourself that are unfair and too
strict, your children will try to get back at you. If you do not set
any limits, your children will push and push until someone sets a
limit for them, maybe even a school principal or a police officer.
Source: National Committee to
Prevent Child Abuse
|
